Lately, I have seen many memes that say things like Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids! While I have many friends who like and post these memes, I find myself wondering, are there other moms like me???? Are there others who think that this is slightly all or nothing thinking, and maybe my kids are not depressed or anxious because we happen to have a regularly cleaned home?
I have no problem with other people's messes. If you read this and think, I will never have her to my house, then you are missing the point. We often have a mess in our house, laundry piles, and yes, sticky floors. But here is my issue with this thinking. What do mothers think when they read this? What if you are organized and more cleaning-oriented like myself, does this mean that my kids are not happy?
I just think the issue is gray. Call me Murky, because we are all different and there are so many ways for homes to function. I am a mother who works part-time from my house. My children make messes like everyone else's, and there are days when those messes do not get cleared up. But I am a person who is impacted greatly by my environment, and when things are continually messy and chaotic I feel moody and increasingly frustrated. It has gotten better over time as my children (and husband!) have forced increased tolerance. Which is good, as my children do not need to be subjected to my neurosis and never feel as though they can get messy.
But they also need to be taught responsibility for their possessions. Our household statement with mess is "it is great to make a mess as long as you help clean it up." They need to realize that they are not the only people who live in our home. They have time where they are responsible for themselves through the day, or they assist me in cleaning and other household chores. I don't think that they are distressed by this, but they enjoy joining in adult activities as we share time together.
There has been a great deal of emphasis on social media lately about making sure we moms are all in this together, and picture posts of dishes all over the sink, laundry piles that reach mountain status, and PBJ dinners. I value this so much, and yet I wonder if there are women out there like me who wonder, Am I NOT a good mom because I do clean my house, meal plan, and have less tolerance for ongoing mess? Am I scarring my kids because we stayed home today and cleaned our house rather than doing something fun or playing games all afternoon? Maybe if we did that EVERY day.
My kids are happy, messy and wonderful. I also have kids old enough to create and clean a mess, kids who do not have special needs, I have a part-time job, and I am sure many other differences between other houses and ours. Each home is unique, and what I want to say clearly is that even without sticky floors and dirty ovens and ever-present laundry piles, you are still a good mother and you likely really have happy kids. Both are possible. You can have a clean oven and floors and the laundry mostly done and have happy kids. You can be a mess lover (I would LOVE to be like this sometimes) and do art all over your house and clean up the dishes at the end of every couple days and have happy kids. You can be somewhere in between and have happy kids.
Maybe something like this is more accurate and encompasses all of us who love our children dearly and are more than good enough mothers. What I like about this is no one's happiness is dependent on it. And who knows what this means in each house? It's flexible, and that is something we practice developing in our house alot.
Hopefully I did not just ruin your happiness and joy. Because this gray is really happy for me.
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